25 Funny Facebook Status Updates
Facebook is the worlds largest social networking platform that used to connect with our friends and family. Everybody looking for funny status updated to entertain people and to get more likes and comments.
Today we have compiled 25 funny Facebook updates that could gain more likes and comments from your friends and family members.
1. If your neighbor has wind chimes, you have wind chimes.
2. If a woman repeats what you just said in the form of a question, you’ll be dead soon.
3. I like to name my iPod ‘Titanic’ so when it says ‘Syncing Titanic’ i click cancel and it makes me feel like a hero.
4. If you are stalking me, please keep up, I have a lot of errands today.
5. My girlfriend said if this gets 100 thumbs up we’ll try anal. So please don’t vote, her strap on is huge and it really scares me.
6. One day a chicken crossed the road and met James Bond and said what’s your name??…..bond James bond…..what’s yours?? Ken chick ken!!
7. How do people write an autobiography? I can barely remember what I had lunch for yesterday.
8. Four years ago I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me. She said “no” both times.
9. Don’t you wish karma was like pizza and could be delivered in under 30 minutes?
10. Apparently somebody in Detroit gets stabbed every 52 seconds…sucks to be that guy.
11. I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.
12. If you can’t Change a Girl…..Change the Girl.
13. “Karate” is an old Japanese word that means, “My kid can’t hit a baseball.”
14. That annoying moment when you have to keep removing your headphones because someone keeps talking to you.
15. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
16. My opinion of yoga pants varies depending on if I’m at the gym or if I’m at Wal-Mart
17. I can bench 250 lbs. And by that, I mean, I can sit myself down on a bench in a local park.
18. I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So I stole a bike and ask for forgiveness.
19. A woman’s superpower is turning an insignificant misunderstanding into a catastrophe of biblical proportions.
20. I find if you sprinkle some bacon bits on a salad, but don’t actually add any salad, then its a pretty good salad.
21. I just want someone to touch me the way a woman touches a pair of shoes she cannot afford.
22. I don’t think girls realize how handsome my mom says I am.
23. Why is a newspaper ten times more interesting when somebody across the table is reading it?
24. Dear Google, Please stop behaving like a GIRL. Will u please allow me to complete the whole sentence before you start guessing & suggesting.
25. We all have that one skinny friend that eats more than fat person.